Struggling or thriving? The power of open dialogue

Now working non-clinically as a mentor to graduate vets, James Taylor made the decision to step away from practice due to multiple health challenges. He reflects on how open and honest dialogue with his managers might have helped address these issues and potentially enabled him to continue practising.

I have mixed feelings reflecting on my time in clinic. There were good moments; however, time has a habit of replacing the gaps left by trauma with nostalgia, shielding you from a true recollection.

I am not the first to muse on the inaccuracy of memory, but this post has led me to confront it head-on. I do not claim to have all the answers, and this journey to self-realisation likely doesn’t have an end. But perhaps my thoughts will help others along this path.

Living with autonomic dysfunction and neurodivergence

I have autonomic dysfunction, manifesting as syncope and hypotension, with periods of self-resolving asystole. In layperson's terms: I faint, and my heart can stop, but so far it has always restarted on its own. I am also undergoing diagnostics for neurodivergence due to the way I perceive the world and interact with it.

In trying to succeed in my nascent career, I suppressed both my
physical and emotional needs.

I list these openly now, but I’d like to note that I didn’t know any of this while I was in practice. I had no idea that my stress over daily structure was unusual. I genuinely believed my fainting was a personal weakness and, in trying to succeed in my nascent career, I suppressed both my physical and emotional needs.

Reflections on what could have been done differently

It’s easy for you or me to criticise that approach now - but in the moment? That is a much harder distinction to make, and it is not easy to work out why you are struggling – neither for me nor for my employers. I did not know then what I know now, and in five years’ time I will know things that would likely improve my outlook today.

There is no blame to be apportioned, but I believe this could have been addressed, if not solved, contemporaneously, if my employer and I had engaged in a more open dialogue at the time. So, given that hindsight is 20:20, what should have been done? What could be done for others?

Adjustments aren’t always easy - but they are necessary

This campaign is about adjustments, ways to make lives easier, but that does not mean they are easy to implement. I didn’t know why my life was getting so hard, and neither did my boss - but there were signs. I could no longer drive to work, instead relying on lifts. I became shorter with my colleagues. I was losing sleep and was never able to switch off. In short, this reads as ‘I am not ok’. These are not universal, and for me were only realised when it was too late - the path below me was falling away and it only took one more thing to push me over the edge.

If I’d reflected on the positivity I felt when I had a structured plan for my ops? That might have been enough to prompt me to work with my manager to get back on track and figure out what works for me.

Sometimes, that’s all it takes.

A value cannot be put on the benefit of seeing a colleague
who was once struggling begin to thrive. 

Adjustments are a negotiation, a discussion, a compromise from both sides – and sometimes this seems as though it is more effort than it is worth. However, a value cannot be put on the benefit of seeing a colleague who was once struggling begin to thrive. Even if the adjustment that works for them means less time consulting, operating, standing, talking, the time that they do spend will be more productive, more supported and the relationship between them and their team will be improved by orders of magnitude.

This is a conversation worth having – and having again. Not all of us know what we need in the moment, or what adjustments are right for us, but it’s a lot easier to fumble in the dark if you have somebody to hold your hand and work it out with you.

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